It's an odd feeling, sitting on a bus, going somewhere you really don't want to go. Minutes seem to drag to hours and you don't seem to be 'getting' anywhere. It seems ridiculous, but I've dreamed of taking bus journeys. Just longing to be anywhere but where I am. I don't know where I want to be, I don't know what I want to do. Yeah, I have dreams and I have plans, but what if I don't get them, or what if they're not what I've built them up to be? Will I feel perpetually lost? I just want to belong somewhere. I thought I had that in Huddersfield, but now i can't stop thinking of leaving. Anywhere. Somewhere I don't have to pretend any more. Where I can leave this last year behind me. This last month has been the best in over a year, but I still want to get away.
I don't know if I'll ever really settle anywhere. maybe that's from being in an airforce family, I don't know. I often wonder what it would feel like to have lived in the same place all my life. Would I be settled there? Would I still want to leave? Is it part of me that won't let me rest? Or will I find somewhere someday? I always seem to want what I'll never have. Why can't I be happy with what I have? I always want more. And I have so much. It just never seems to be enough.
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I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't...I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do! Although, I must say I have enjoyed the journey to where I am. Perhaps that is the key--be happy where you are as you travel life's paths.
Wanting more is not a sin--but neglecting what we have and missing the pleasures of daily life because 'there must be more' very well could be! ;)
Love you.
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